Sometimes it gets very heavy. It is heavy to carry, heavy on my mind, and a burden on my heart. Sometimes it feels like it is sitting on the middle of my chest, making each breath more difficult than the last. Sometimes heaviness finds my heart and brings me such pain and deep sadness one cannot explain it with words. Other times it is heavy on my mind causing me confusion and uncertainty about everything around me.
Then in the blink of an eye the heaviness can disappear and emotions of joy, love, and gratitude fill the cracks of my shattered heart. Then as quickly as it turned from darkness to light the journey continues and my peace can be broken and stolen. Once again looking like anger, loneliness, darkness, and unrest. Then back again like the dawning of a new day is my peace, at one with my journey, my crosses, and my trials. My view turns from, “how can I handle this” to “bring it on”.
Through the peaks, valleys, dead ends, and open roads of grief one thing that is certain is it is all because of love. That is why our crosses are heavy and why our emotions are so strong. We grieve deeply because we loved deeply. Because of that I am blessed and thankful. To have no grief would mean to have no love, no moments to miss. Today I am thankful for my grief because I am so thankful I was able to love someone so special.
Memorial Day 2020