A Bit about my Blogs

Let’s get this out of the way now – these blogs won’t be perfect. There will be typos, bad grammar, speling errors (that one is a joke), and oh yes– bad humorJ. What they will be is real. I am not a blogger. I am a mother of two children, one on earth and one in heaven. I am sharing my thoughts, feelings, and experiences to help me heal all in hopes to help others do the same.

Through the loss of Adelyn I have learned that a lot of people have questions about our experience but they are too afraid to ask. They want to be supportive but they don’t know how. They care but they don’t know what to say.  Before our “experience” I was HORRIBLE at empathy. I was an avoider because I didn’t know what to say or how to act around those going through a difficult time. If God wanted to teach me anything through this experience he has taught me empathy.

So for my first blog I want to write a little bit about how to help support someone who is grieving.

1. The worst thing you can do is ignore it. Not saying anything at all creates an elephant in the room. It DID happen let’s not act like it didn’t.
   
   
2. “I am sorry,” is the perfect thing to say. So many people think you need to say something special but you don’t. There is NOTHING you can say that will bring my baby back so don’t try to help me heal by your words. Just shut up and give me a hug. J
   
   
3. It is ok to be nervous or feel awkward because I feel the same way. No one is ever comfortable in these situations even those grieving.
   
   
4. Be patient. Grieving is a roller coaster ride and a death like we experienced we will never “get over it” so please don’t expect us to. We may be different than before because our lives have changed forever and we are trying to learn how to live this new life. We will get it figured out but until then be patient.
   
   
5. Know when to come and when to go and if you don’t know – ask. Going through the grieving process there are times you want support and friends/family around and then other times you want time alone. You need to respect this and be there when support is needed and step away when we need our space. Through the process do not take it personally when we don’t want you around, we just need space to “be”.
   
   
6. Use her name and use it often. I find that people tip toe around talking about Adelyn and using her name. A fear many parents have is that their child will be forgotten.
   
   
7. Be there to listen. Certain days I am sure I sounded like a broken record saying the same story over and over again and other days I didn’t say a word.  Just saying, “I am here when you want to talk” is perfect!
   
   

Grieving is very unique to everyone. The way I grieve is different than the way Brian grieves – no one does it the same way. When a friend or family member goes through a difficult time and you are not for sure how to help, what to say, or how to act just ask and be ok with the answer you hear.  Being there day 1, day 7, day 30, day……. never goes unnoticed.   XOXO to our family and friends!!!!