There are so many days and times I sit back in awe and wonder and watch our daughter Amelia. She is now four and I am just so amazed by her. The love and admiration I have for her words cannot describe.
Every mother loves her child. The love between a parent and child is not understood until you experience it. This love and bond changed when we lost Adelyn and as we continued on this path together as a family.
There have been some very difficult moments and difficult conversations. As parents we decided early on to be honest and straight forward with Amelia about Adelyn. I don't know if this is right or wrong - only time will tell. Because of this we have had to talk about death more than your normal household does. As I am sure you can imagine this brings up some interesting conversations sometimes. Even though I don't believe she fully understands some of her comments have been difficult. One comment a few months back she said to me when we were going to bed, "Mom some day I don't want my baby to die." or another time she made a comment to me "Well, mom you know you won't be here forever, you will die."
Those are just words that shouldn't have to come out of our four year olds mouth. There are times that it angers me that, this has happened to us and that we have to talk about it. We just take it as teaching moment and to talk about Heaven and God.
Then there have also been just amazing and powerful moments. To have Amelia pray at night for the sick babies and their families. To have her be part of helping me make blankets and how excited she gets that they are going to the babies in the hospital. These moments I hope will shape her into being generous, compassionate, and caring.
My love for her has changed so much because she has been my strengths and my rock. Who knew a three/four year old could help her mommy through the most difficult time in her life. I am not saying I love her more than any other mom, but it is a different love and a deeper love. I don't feel I will every be able to express to anyone or her how thankful I am she is in our lives. I don't know if I could be where I am at without her. She is four...she is sassy..but she is my blessing from God!
Thank you baby girl. You are an amazing little girl and you will be an amazing big sister to our next addition!